My Heart

Look after my heart—I’ve left it with you.

Strong words that if spoken or written would make a girl’s heart flutter and turn her knees to jelly. But doesn’t everything spoken or written by Edward Cullen makes us girls feel just like that? Kidding aside, there aren’t many guys in the world who—when they are going somewhere—will leave their “hearts” to their girlfriend who’s staying behind. Lucky is the girl whose man is like that.

A little over two years ago, I was forced to make with the decision to break-up with my relationship with my then boyfriend because there was not much left with our relationship. He was in college in Dumaguete while I was trying to survive my senior year in high school in Tanjay.

It was pretty much a long-distance relationship. A month after our anniversary he stopped texting me—which here in the Philippines is like sending IM’s through your phone—and he always had something to do every time I planned to meet up with him. During this time I was left speculating if a third party was involved. I had also other thoughts like “What did I do wrong?” or “Was it my fault?”, but the worst thought was “Am I not enough?”.

The situation continued for another month until I couldn’t take it longer. I told him that we should go our separate ways. He agreed. He moved. I went to hell and back.

Sometime last July I found the guts to ask him his side of the story. He said, “Because we were too far from each other and texting is not enough. And then I fell out of love because I just want you to be near me, by my side, but then you were not. And Trex I swear walay third party. Nawala ra jud, and I’m sorry for that.” Poor little Trexie cried her heart out because of that message.

Looking back at it now, I realized it was pure crap. I was also experiencing the same things during that time. I was the other half of the relationship, wasn’t I? But why did I not lose the feeling? To think it was harder for me because I have to keep it from my family. Another thing, why didn’t he persevere in fighting for what we had at that time? I did my best to communicate with him, but why couldn’t he meet me halfway so that it could’ve been easier for the two of us? So many questions, yet not enough answers. I guess they will have to remain unanswered forever. Let the dead bury their dead. I guess I will have to bury my dead too. And I guess this will also be the last time I will write something about you—whoever you are.

Goodbye Mark…

 

P.S. Imagine what could’ve happened if only you’ve left your heart with me. And by the way, my heart’s in excellent condition now more than ever.