Last Week

Last week, I saw you. I saw you with another girl. I was at a loss for words when I finally got to see that it was you. And then I felt nothing. I felt happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I don’t need to tell myself to stop feeling something for. Sad because I know you’re with someone new now. You might think this funny but the only thing that comes to my mind whenever I think of you is fireworks. Do you remember that night when we sat by the bay one January night and we saw fireworks at a distance? I still remember that night clearly as if it just happened last night. And I remember it more when I feel the cold night wind blowing on me. And I remember it more so than ever when see fireworks. That’s the reason why I can’t enjoy fireworks anymore—because they remind me of you and the time that we had—it was good while it lasted.

Sometimes I feel like cursing the way things work because I know I couldn’t help the fact that you’ve changed. And changed you did. I wish you never have to be nice to me. Sometimes in my most bitter moment, I even get to the point of wishing I never met you. But that’s not the way life goes, does it? I have to get to know you.
They say the only permanent thing is life is change, but why do I always find myself wishing we never have to change at all? Why do people have to get to know each other and just go their separate ways? Couldn’t the fates allow those people who meet to just be happy together? Is that too much to ask? Because if it is then this life sucks. Yeah, it sucks, big time.

Maybe I’m just bitter, but what the heck, I’m allowed to be bitter, right? After all the things that I’ve through with you, I think I deserve a time when I can just be angry and bitter. You think I’m this strong, independent, and liberated girl, but what you don’t know is that being with you and having feelings that I couldn’t explain was like a roller coaster ride for me. And just like ever roller coaster ride, it ended where it all began—at the bottom.

Sometimes I wonder what could’ve happened had we remained close. But then again, I think the fates will always find a way to break us up and separate us. So, I think it’s better this way. Go on your way. Go after your dream. Don’t look back, not even on me. You don’t owe me anything. Go while I stay here and content myself with other people’s stories. Go while I heal my heart. Who knows fate might bring us together again, under different circumstances, in another time. So, go. Go while I wait. While I wait to see if you are the one who is the meant to be with me until I draw my last breath or somebody else. Go because in time I will be fine. In time I will be okay again and in that time I will be ready to give my whole heart again. That will be the time that I’m ready to love again. To love like I’ve never been broken before. In that time, I can say that I have made it. And that I’m ready to begin a new life with the one who is meant to be with me. I will give him all of me because I know it’ll be forever.

So I beg you, go. Go, so that I will have the time to heal myself, my heart, my soul. Time—that is all I ask now? Will you give it to me?