Long Time

Wow! I can't believe how long it has been since I last written a post here. Don't worry, I'm back for good. And I'm taking a thirty days of letters challenge. Wherein I will post 30 letters for 30 days. And I will update this blog later. :)

My Heart

Look after my heart—I’ve left it with you.

Strong words that if spoken or written would make a girl’s heart flutter and turn her knees to jelly. But doesn’t everything spoken or written by Edward Cullen makes us girls feel just like that? Kidding aside, there aren’t many guys in the world who—when they are going somewhere—will leave their “hearts” to their girlfriend who’s staying behind. Lucky is the girl whose man is like that.

A little over two years ago, I was forced to make with the decision to break-up with my relationship with my then boyfriend because there was not much left with our relationship. He was in college in Dumaguete while I was trying to survive my senior year in high school in Tanjay.

It was pretty much a long-distance relationship. A month after our anniversary he stopped texting me—which here in the Philippines is like sending IM’s through your phone—and he always had something to do every time I planned to meet up with him. During this time I was left speculating if a third party was involved. I had also other thoughts like “What did I do wrong?” or “Was it my fault?”, but the worst thought was “Am I not enough?”.

The situation continued for another month until I couldn’t take it longer. I told him that we should go our separate ways. He agreed. He moved. I went to hell and back.

Sometime last July I found the guts to ask him his side of the story. He said, “Because we were too far from each other and texting is not enough. And then I fell out of love because I just want you to be near me, by my side, but then you were not. And Trex I swear walay third party. Nawala ra jud, and I’m sorry for that.” Poor little Trexie cried her heart out because of that message.

Looking back at it now, I realized it was pure crap. I was also experiencing the same things during that time. I was the other half of the relationship, wasn’t I? But why did I not lose the feeling? To think it was harder for me because I have to keep it from my family. Another thing, why didn’t he persevere in fighting for what we had at that time? I did my best to communicate with him, but why couldn’t he meet me halfway so that it could’ve been easier for the two of us? So many questions, yet not enough answers. I guess they will have to remain unanswered forever. Let the dead bury their dead. I guess I will have to bury my dead too. And I guess this will also be the last time I will write something about you—whoever you are.

Goodbye Mark…

 

P.S. Imagine what could’ve happened if only you’ve left your heart with me. And by the way, my heart’s in excellent condition now more than ever.

and this is me

Okay, so I can be a bit crazy sometimes. So? This is me. Take it or leave it.
I don't explain the things I do. My friends understand and the rest won't believe me anyway.

a poem but at the same time an open letter

Where’s the good in goodbye?
When it leaves you crying,
broken and so empty inside.

Where’s the good in goodbye?
When all I have are memories of you and me
that are never come back.

Where’s the good in goodbye?
When I know my heart will be lost
without you near me.

Where’s the good in goodbye?
Honey do I have to spell it out?
Goodbye will simply mean the end of my life.

an untitled poem by a rebel kid

If I could paint rainbows in the sky
I’d do for you
Just to see you smile
And say “I do care for you”.

How I wish you’ll see me too
See these dreams I have for two.
But there’s someone else you love
And all I have are dreams thereof.

And if I’d find the perfect rhyme
To let you know these feelings of mine
Will you say I love you too?
Or turn your back and just say adieu?

goodbye...

Counting on days gone by
175 days since I said goodbye
Tryin’ to figure out what went wrong
Like the lyrics of an old heartbreak song.

I remember you, I remember me
I remember all our memories.
Can’t feelin’ how bittersweet
The times can be.

I feel the cold wind blowing on my face
Along with the memories I cannot erase
Try hard as I might
I’m still having lonely nights.

Yesterday is gone and lost
It faded just like the snow
Like the love we used to know
Forever gone, so I let go.

soul mate

How do you define a soul mate? A friend of mine defined it as your destiny. If that’s the case, what if the person never married? That would simply mean he/she didn’t have a soul mate.

Just recently, I picked up this novel from the school library because I know the author– although I didn’t know the story. A couple of pages into the first chapter, I put down the book because I thought it was boring. But more than a week later, I found myself with nothing to do so I picked up the book again and started reading where I left off.

The story centered around this romance novelist from New York who was unsuccessful in her love life. The novelist was later told by a clairvoyant that a curse was involved in her past life, and that was why all her past relationships, kind of, failed. And she was going to meet her soul mate only after three lifetimes. She then goes to a hypnotist and had herself “transported” back in to her past life.

Now, this book that I’m talking about is Remembrance by Jude Deveraux. And it sparked my interest about soul mates. You see, I know this guy who I’m very attuned to. We get along so well. We can talk about music, movies, politics, economy, our families, our struggles, our dreams. I mean we can literally talk about anything under the sun. Sometimes we think of the same stuff, and there were instances when we finish each others sentence. Now if that doesn’t qualify for soul mate-ship, I don’t know what else. On the other hand, I hope he’s not my soul mate– not that I really did wish he is. Because ha has this habit of “disappearing” when things are looking good between the two of us. All of a sudden he just stops texting. He also stops nagging me about doing some things together. It’s like he just disappeared of the face of the earth. But of course I know otherwise. If not, I wouldn’t have caught glimpses of him here and there in school.

You might think that I’m sour-graping but I tell you, I am not. And if I really do have a soul mate out there, can you please hurry? I kinda need you. But of course, everything in God’s time.

To Him be all the glory!

 

in memorial...

This post is still in the works but I just want to put something quite important to me. Today is this girl's birthday. Happy birthday shirl! I miss you badly..

my crushes

I wanted to post something for the sake of posting. So I thought maybe I could just share some of my celebrity crushes. This is in random order because they're all hot and it's so darn hard "prioritizing" them, so to speak.Hehehe!


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First stop, Paul Walker. Hot isn't he? Blond hair + blue eyes + gorgeous body = lethal combination.



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This ladies is Channing Tatum. Have you ever watched Step Up and She's The Man? Yup! He's the super hunk leading man in those movies. Try googling him up and you'll
see that most of his pics feature him half naked.


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alt="ahhhhhhh"> Ever wondered who played Caleb in the movie The Covenant? Stephen Strait everybody. He has the face of an angel and the body of a... Ohc'mon ! Fill the missing word ladies. I have to acknowledge my cousin though, because if not for her I wouldn't have known about this guy.

if leaving is the right thing to do...

"Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it" - he shook his head, seeming to struggle with the thought - "if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."


Sounds familiar? Well, that quote is from Stephenie Meyer's famous vampire novel-- Twilight. I like it because it follows the "i-love-you-so-much-it-hurts" formula. Not to mention the "you-and-me-against-the-world", since Bella is a human and Edward is a vampire. Therefore making their love story impossible. And it makes me remember the fairy tales that I so loved when I was younger. You know, Snow White, Cinderella, and all those other princesses, and the ever dashing and handsome Prince Charming. Although now with the exception of Prince Charming, because my Prince Charming now is not a prince riding on a white horse but rather a VAMPIRE driving a silver Volvo. Hehehe! But honestly, I think the reason why so many girls are addicted to the book, and more with the movie, because the storyline clearly depicts what WE have always longed for-- LOVE. The true love that would break all boundaries. The love that is willing to sacrifice one's self for the other's sake.


Alice interrupted this time, touching my cheek with her cold fingers. "It's been almost a century that Edward's been alone. Now he's found you. You can't see the changes that we see, we who have been with him for so long. Do you think any of us want to look into his eyes for the next hundred years if he loses you?"


That, ladies and gentlemen, is what my reason why so many people are addicted by Twilight.

long time...

Whew! It has been such a long time since I last posted something here. I became so busy with my school stuff-- assignments, reports, projects, and exams. For a couple of weeks I thought I wasn't a Freshie anymore because of the tons of school work I am handling.

Anyway, would you believe me if I say that for a couple of weeks I've lost my writing skills? Yes, it's really true! If you've noticed my last post, it was just a picture and a SHORT sentence. I basically went through-- what I call-- a writer's drought. During that time I can't seem to put my emotions into words. There were times when I just sat on my bed and thought of anything to write but nothing came up. Another time was when I forced myself to think about my crush in order for me to just write something. But then again, nothing came up. I was so desperate to write something but the words which have been good friends of mine have seemed so elusive to me.

But now look at this. This is the result of my "word drought". Those pent-up thoughts have burst forth. And this is the result. But I dare not say that this is the end because I still have A LOT TO SAY.


XOXO,
trexie

i'm waiting for you...

Who's that person waiting for?

love is...

Since Valentines Day is tomorrow, I find it appropriate to post something very related to the occasion. During the past two weeks I conducted a survey about the different definition's of love by my

classmates and friends. Here's what they have to say about LOVE...

* Love is a feeling you give to yourself, as well as e feeling you give to someone special. ---Viernine Mae Ferrer

* Love is not a feeling, it is a decision.

Love is a never ending process. ---Flor De May Celeste

* Love is a choice. ---Nicah Maan Cuevas

* Love is sacrificing for the people you love even if it means causing you great pain. ---Krizyl Ann dela Cruz

* Love hurts when God knows you deserve someone better. ---Roxanne Teves

* Love is something undefinable, but felt. ---Daryl Mak

* Love is a feeling that's so unexplainable. When it comes to love, expect the unexpectable. ---Lar Ta-as

* Love is a feeling of affection to another person. ---Maymie Romano

* Love is destiny. ---Nizza Wale

* Love is a passion only triggered when emotional understanding is

present in yourself or in others. Emotional understanding because for

me, the heart is always below the mind. ---Nico Vale

* Love is being happy with someone. ---Apryl Recososa

* God is love; greater love has no man than this: that a man would lay down His life for His friends! Talk about love!! Awoo! ---Cole Leo Gegoncillo

* Love is a commitment. It is a willingness to put the best interests of

another person first. It is grace and acceptance. It is truly rejoicing

in the fullness of another person. It is a journey into the heart of

GOD. ---AbigailAbella

* Love is the greatest force on earth. It has different definitions. But if you haven't experienced to love and be loved back, you can't really tell what love is. ---Floriemar

* Love is a language that every heart speaks. It is better to lose your

pride to someone you love, than to lose your love because of your

pride. ---Reynald Aguit.

* I see love when my grandma makes coffee for my grandpa every morning, when my mom wakes up early to cook our breakfast, when my uncle fetches his nephews an nieces from school, when people eat together despite there busy schedules, when my cousin kisses the hurting finger of her baby brother, and when good friends hangout despite the distance. See? Now, who said love was just for couples? ---Gemar Mugatar

* Love is all in the mind. ---Carmela Benosa

i'm so not!

I've always detested people who put a label on me. They put me in a category and seem to confine me in that. They put a stigma on me and no matter haw hard I try to defend myself they won't hear of it.

Just recently, one classmate of mine calls me "emo" everytime we meet, and during those times also I'd always answered that I'm not one. I really want to tell her to stop calling me that because it's already pissing me off. I want to inculcate to her that I AM NOT EMO. I'm too crazy to be an emo. I'm too girly to be an emo. I'm too bubbly to be an emo. Heck! I am so not emo!

over and done with

Midterms is OVER! Do I need to explain that?

Well I guess this means I can pour all my attention to the short story I'm going to write. Not to mention have my imagination running wild. Hahaha! Actually, I find writing a short story difficult. My forte is really in writing poems--heartbreak poems. You might think I'm an "emo" but I am not. I really hate it when people call me that because I really am not. I'm too crazy to be called an "emo".

So much for that "emo" stuff. I'm just glad midterms is over--and done with. Although I must admit, the results scares the hell outta me. Hahaha!