At the stroke of midnight last Sunday, I had the sudden urge to reach out to my best friend because I felt I was undergoing a personal crisis. We're texting back and forth and I realized, I haven't told her my "realizations". And that's why I know she didn't "get" what I was trying to tell her at the time--the operative word being TRYING.(Not to mention, she must've thought I went bonkers already.) So anyways, I hope to enlighten her about what's troubling me--expressing my thoughts is only a side benefit.
I came to the conclusion that the reason why I'm still single up to this day is because I'm looking for perfection. Perfection in the sense that the guy should be at least 5 feet, 11 inches. Or that he should love music, knows how to play the guitar, be athletic, and speak excellent English. These are the things that I instantly look for in a guy and if he doesn't have them, he gets the boot.
I realized one time almost 2 years ago while I was out on a dare with a friend. Okay, let me tell you something about my friend and that dare. I was dared by a friend to give him a tour of the city and since he was born and raised in that city--while I was not--we mutually decided that he should be the one to tour me. At that time, we both have jobs during the day which left us the option of "touring" at night. We had a very late dinner together, and after which he took me to this town barely 5 minutes from the city. We got there past 11PM. The town was located on a hill so it was actually pretty chilly when we got there. Good thing we each brought jackets!
When we got there, he immediately launched his speech of how he accepted things and simply moved on when he broke his heart to someone we both know. Then he talked of why "it happened" and firmly believed that everything happens for a reason. He was so open and honest about his feelings that I felt the need to open up too. So I told him about this guy who I really liked and how every guy who tried to woo me just became dull after him. My friend went kinda psychiatrist on me and vaguely hinted that maybe, just maybe, it was me all along. That there was nothing wrong with those guys but it was me who was comparing them to that "guy" all along. And when I found that they didn't quite measure up, I slowly show them the door.
I was shocked! For a moment I could't speak. I knew he was right. And when I finally acknowledge my mistake he gently advised me to stop comparing every guy I see with that "guy" I was talking about earlier. Easier said than done. It's been almost 2 years and I still have the same problem, the same hang up. This is what I've been trying to tell people all along. I have a problem and it's serious. But I have to work it out in my own time. It may be slow but I'm determined to get there. Someday...
